The end is in sight...

I got my biopsy results this afternoon - NED, or No Evidence of Disease. Meaning none of the 11 removed lymph nodes had any cancer in them. Nor did the two removed moles, although one was classed as dysplastic meaning it was a little more likely to become cancerous than a regular mole. I still have several others on my body which I hope to have removed at some point.

I know I'm meant to be really happy, this is the news I wanted. My friends and family are ecstatic. I pictured this moment a thousand times, and in each one I was overjoyed. But for some reason I just feel numb and empty. Maybe because I know this will never be truly over. Melanoma has no remission, as such. Only NED. The recurrence rate is high and there is no real cure. Hospital visits will be a part of my life for the foreseeable future, as will constant vigilance of every change to my skin. There is no forgetting and putting it out my mind from now on. 

I know there's no 'normal' reaction to any of this, but even I have taken myself by surprise. Maybe tomorrow it will all sink in, but for now I don't feel a single thing.