Pre-op

On Friday I had to go to Whiston for my pre-op. I was there two hours and it consisted of an assessment - a bunch of questions, urine sample, blood pressure, height, weight (don't look, don't look) and so on. After that, a magical mystery tour of the hospital! First stop, medical photography for a close up of my leg. 

Next, down two floors to phlebotomy for blood tests. The lovely nurse clearly does this all day because she took two samples and I barely felt the needle although I do have a splendid big bruise on my arm that looks a lot worse than it feels. 

Next, an ECG. This isn't a standard test, it came about because I said I'd had heart palpitation in the past. This is where things got awkward. The nurse told me to take off everything from my top half. Having seen Grey's Anatomy, I knew that I left my tatty but comfy old bra on. Ha! It turns out that the TV bra-on rule has something to do with no pre-watershed breasts because nope, the nurse meant take everything off. Whilst I know they see it all day every day, I do still have that childish fear that they will run giggling into the staffroom to describe my overweight flabby being to their equally amused cohorts. She must have sensed my embarrassment regardless of my try-hard nonchalance, as though I let strange women manhandle my breasts every day, because she said "don't worry, we all have them". As she stuck the little doodahs to my chest and legs, she asked why I was having an ECG as I was so young. I explained about the melanoma and she told me about her 18-year old daughter who had a cancerous mole on her foot but is fine now. It's hard to wear your sympathy face whilst freezing cold and topless in front of a stranger. 

Last stop, plastic surgery to see....someone (not sure if he was a registrar or consultant) who didn't seem to know anything about my case and asked me what surgery I was having and why. He then told me to drop my pants (in a nicer way) so he could see my leg and feel my groin. Is this what a porn star has to put up with? Alas I had only expected blood tests so I was wearing equally tatty but comfy granny knickers. And odd socks. The kind doctor pretended not to notice - or maybe he really didn't - but I was humiliated enough that each appointment from now on will see me in nothing but La Senza's finest. 

I'm just off now for my pre-op lymphatic system mapping. I know it has something to do with radioactive blue dye (or maybe just blue dye?) being injected into my leg and they can then see which is the sentinel lymph node but as to how? I'm not sure. I will dutifully report back later. Finest knickers on for this one.