When someone tells you that you have cancer, I think you're meant to feel upset. Frightened, worried, cloudy-headed, maybe angry at fate or god. I don't feel any of those things. I was diagnosed yesterday, although it didn't come as a great shock because having a big black mole appear on your leg from nowhere is a fairly big hint. So when the doctor came in and said straight away that it was a malignant melanoma, I felt mostly...interested. I enjoy learning new things and this is another new thing. Is curiosity the normal reaction to a Stage 1B melanoma diagnosis? See! I am learning the lingo already.
Today, I mainly feel annoyance. The timing is very inconvenient, having started a new career last week, and I'm also angry at my body for betraying me. My body and I, we don't do ill. We don't have the time or the patience for this nonsense. So to find out your body has switched teams without telling you...it's annoying. It's how I felt when I found out my cat was going for naps and biscuits next door.
The medical stuff has already started. I've had two phonecalls today from the hospital telling me I'm seeing a plastic surgeon next Tuesday as an emergency referral. I think he just wants to talk to me about the surgery. I have a horrible feeling this will all be very time-consuming and involve a lot of driving, waiting rooms and out-of-date magazines. Thank god for mobile internet.
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